A Good Heart to Lean on

When I was growing up, I was embarrassed to be seen with my father. He was severely¹ crippled and very short, and when we would walk together, his hand on my arm for balance, people would stare. I would inwardly squirm at the un-wanted attention. If he ever noticed or was bothered, he never let on.

It was difficult to coordinate² our steps -- his halting, mine impatient -- and because of that, we didn't say much as we went along. But as we started out, he always said, "You set the pace. I will try to adjust to you. "

Our usual walk was to or from the subway, which was how he got to work. He went to work sick, and despite nasty weather. He almost never missed a day, and would make it to the office even if others could not. A matter of pride.

When snow or ice was on the ground, it was impossible for him to walk, even with help. At such times my sisters or I would pull him through the streets of Brooklyn, NY, on a child's sleigh to the sub-way entrance. Once there, he would cling to the handrail until he reached the lower steps that the warmer tunnel air kept ice-free. In Manhattan the subway station was the basement of his office building, and he would not have to go outside again until we met him in Brooklyn' on his way home.

When I think of it now, I marvel³ at how much courage it must have taken for a grown man to subject himself to such indignity⁴ and stress. And at how he did it -- without bitterness or complaint .

He never talked about himself as an object of pity, nor did he show any envy of the more fortunate or able. What he looked for in others was a "good heart", and if he found one, the owner was good enough for him.

Now that I am older, I believe that is a proper standard by which to judge people, even though I still don' t know precisely⁶ what a "good heart" is. But I know the times I don't have one myself.

Unable to engage in many activities, my father still tried to participate in some way. When a local sandlot baseball team found itself |without a manager, he kept it going. He was a knowledgeable⁷ baseball fan and often took me to Ebbets Field to see the Brooklyn Dodgers⁸ play. He liked to go to dances and parties, where he could have a good time just sitting and watching.

On one memorable⁹ occasion a fight broke out at a beach party, with everyone punching and shoving. He wasn't content to sit and watch, but he couldn't stand unaided on the soft sand. In frustration¹⁰ he began to shout, "I' ll fight anyone who will tit down with me!"

Nobody did. But the next day people kidded him by saying it was the first time any fighter was urged to take a dive even before the bout⁵ began.

I now know he participated in some things vicariously through me, his only son. When I played ball (poorly), he "played" too. When I joined the Navy he "joined" too. And when I came home on leave, he saw to it that " I visited his office. Introducing me, he was really saying, "This is my son, but it is also me, and I could have done this, too, if things had been different." Those words were never said aloud.

He has been gone many years now, but I think of him often. I wonder if he sensed my reluctance¹¹ to be seen with him during our walks. If he did, I am sorry I never told him how sorry I was, how unworthy I was, how I regretted it. I think of him when I complain about trifles, when I am envious¹² of another's good fortune, when I don't have a "good heart".

At such times I put my hand on his arm to regain¹³ my balance, and say, "You set the pace, I will try to adjust to you."

1 severely
adv.严格地；严厉地；非常恶劣地
参考例句：
He was severely criticized and removed from his post.他受到了严厉的批评并且被撤了职 。 He is severely put down for his careless work.他因工作上的粗心大意而受到了严厉的批评。

2 coordinate
adj.同等的，协调的；n.同等者；vt.协作 ，协调
参考例句：
You must coordinate what you said with what you did.你必须使你的言行一致 。 Maybe we can coordinate the relation of them.或许我们可以调和他们之间的关系 。

3 marvel
vi.(at)惊叹vt.感到惊异；n.令人惊异的事
参考例句：
The robot is a marvel of modern engineering.机器人是现代工程技术的奇迹。 The operation was a marvel of medical skill.这次手术是医术上的一个奇迹 。

4 indignity
n.侮辱 ，伤害尊严，轻蔑
参考例句：
For more than a year we have suffered the indignity.在一年多的时间里,我们丢尽了丑 。 She was subjected to indignity and humiliation.她受到侮辱和羞辱。

5 bout
n.侵袭 ，发作；一次(阵 ，回)；拳击等比赛
参考例句：
I was suffering with a bout of nerves.我感到一阵紧张 。 That bout of pneumonia enfeebled her.那次肺炎的发作使她虚弱了 。

6 precisely
adv.恰好，正好 ，精确地 ，细致地
参考例句：
It's precisely that sort of slick sales-talk that I mistrust.我不相信的正是那种油腔滑调的推销宣传。 The man adjusted very precisely.那个人调得很准 。

7 knowledgeable
adj.知识渊博的；有见识的
参考例句：
He's quite knowledgeable about the theatre.他对戏剧很有心得 。 He made some knowledgeable remarks at the meeting.他在会上的发言颇有见地。

8 dodgers
n.躲闪者，欺瞒者( dodger的名词复数 )
参考例句：
a crackdown on fare dodgers on trains 对火车逃票者的严厉打击 But Twain, Howells, and James were jeeringly described by Mencken as "draft-dodgers". 不过吐温 、豪威尔斯和詹姆斯都是被门肯讥诮地叫做“逃避兵役的人 。 ” 来自辞典例句

9 memorable
adj.值得回忆的 ，难忘的，特别的 ，显著的
参考例句：
This was indeed the most memorable day of my life.这的确是我一生中最值得怀念的日子。 The veteran soldier has fought many memorable battles.这个老兵参加过许多难忘的战斗 。

10 frustration
n.挫折，失败 ，失效 ，落空
参考例句：
He had to fight back tears of frustration.他不得不强忍住失意的泪水。 He beat his hands on the steering wheel in frustration.他沮丧地用手打了几下方向盘 。

11 reluctance
n.厌恶，讨厌 ，勉强 ，不情愿
参考例句：
The police released Andrew with reluctance.警方勉强把安德鲁放走了 。 He showed the greatest reluctance to make a reply.他表示很不愿意答复。

12 envious
adj.嫉妒的，羡慕的
参考例句：
I don't think I'm envious of your success.我想我并不嫉妒你的成功 。 She is envious of Jane's good looks and covetous of her car.她既忌妒简的美貌又垂涎她的汽车 。

13 regain
vt.重新获得 ，收复 ，恢复
参考例句：
He is making a bid to regain his World No.1 ranking.他正为重登世界排名第一位而努力。 The government is desperate to regain credibility with the public.政府急于重新获取公众的信任 。