曼斯菲尔德庄园 Chapter 16

It was not in Miss Crawford's power to talk Fanny into any real forgetfulness of what had passed. When the evening was over, she went to bed full of it, her nerves still agitated ¹ by the shock of such an attack from her cousin Tom, so public and so persevered ² in, and her spirits sinking under her aunt's unkind reflection and reproach. To be called into notice in such a manner, to hear that it was but the prelude ³ to something so infinitely ⁴ worse, to be told that she must do what was so impossible as to act; and then to have the charge of obstinacy ⁵ and ingratitude ⁶ follow it, enforced with such a hint at the dependence ⁷ of her situation, had been too distressing ⁸ at the time to make the remembrance when she was alone much less so, especially with the superadded dread ⁹ of what the morrow might produce in continuation of the subject. Miss Crawford had protected her only for the time; and if she were applied ¹⁰ to again among themselves with all the authoritative ¹¹ urgency that Tom and Maria were capable of, and Edmund perhaps away, what should she do? She fell asleep before she could answer the question, and found it quite as puzzling when she awoke the next morning. The little white attic ¹², which had continued her sleeping-room ever since her first entering the family, proving incompetent ¹³ to suggest any reply, she had recourse, as soon as she was dressed, to another apartment more spacious ¹⁴ and more meet for walking about in and thinking, and of which she had now for some time been almost equally mistress. It had been their school-room; so called till the Miss Bertrams would not allow it to be called so any longer, and inhabited as such to a later period. There Miss Lee had lived, and there they had read and written, and talked and laughed, till within the last three years, when she had quitted them. The room had then become useless, and for some time was quite deserted ¹⁵, except by Fanny, when she visited her plants, or wanted one of the books, which she was still glad to keep there, from the deficiency of space and accommodation in her little chamber ¹⁶ above: but gradually, as her value for the comforts of it increased, she had added to her possessions, and spent more of her time there; and having nothing to oppose her, had so naturally and so artlessly worked herself into it, that it was now generally admitted to be hers. The East room, as it had been called ever since Maria Bertram was sixteen, was now considered Fanny's, almost as decidedly as the white attic: the smallness of the one making the use of the other so evidently reasonable that the Miss Bertrams, with every superiority in their own apartments which their own sense of superiority could demand, were entirely ¹⁷ approving it; and Mrs. Norris, having stipulated ¹⁸ for there never being a fire in it on Fanny's account, was tolerably resigned to her having the use of what nobody else wanted, though the terms in which she sometimes spoke ¹⁹ of the indulgence seemed to imply that it was the best room in the house.,The aspect was so favourable ²⁰ that even without a fire it was habitable in many an early spring and late autumn morning to such a willing mind as Fanny's; and while there was a gleam of sunshine she hoped not to be driven from it entirely, even when winter came. The comfort of it in her hours of leisure was extreme. She could go there after anything unpleasant below, and find immediate ²¹ consolation ²² in some pursuit, or some train of thought at hand. Her plants, her books-- of which she had been a collector from the first hour of her commanding a shilling--her writing-desk, and her works of charity and ingenuity ²³, were all within her reach; or if indisposed for employment, if nothing but musing ²⁴ would do, she could scarcely see an object in that room which had not an interesting remembrance connected with it. Everything was a friend, or bore her thoughts to a friend; and though there had been sometimes much of suffering to her; though her motives ²⁵ had often been misunderstood, her feelings disregarded, and her comprehension undervalued; though she had known the pains of tyranny, of ridicule ²⁶, and neglect, yet almost every recurrence ²⁷ of either had led to something consolatory ²⁸: her aunt Bertram had spoken for her, or Miss Lee had been encouraging, or, what was yet more frequent or more dear, Edmund had been her champion and her friend: he had supported her cause or explained her meaning, he had told her not to cry, or had given her some proof of affection which made her tears delightful ²⁹; and the whole was now so blended together, so harmonised by distance, that every former affliction had its charm. The room was most dear to her, and she would not have changed its furniture for the handsomest in the house, though what had been originally plain had suffered all the ill-usage of children; and its greatest elegancies and ornaments ³⁰ were a faded footstool of Julia's work, too ill done for the drawing-room, three transparencies, made in a rage for transparencies, for the three lower panes ³¹ of one window, where Tintern Abbey held its station between a cave in Italy and a moonlight lake in Cumberland, a collection of family profiles, thought unworthy of being anywhere else, over the mantelpiece, and by their side, and pinned against the wall, a small sketch ³² of a ship sent four years ago from the Mediterranean ³³ by William, with H.M.S. Antwerp at the bottom, in letters as tall as the mainmast.,To this nest of comforts Fanny now walked down to try its influence on an agitated, doubting spirit, to see if by looking at Edmund's profile she could catch any of his counsel, or by giving air to her geraniums she might inhale ³⁴ a breeze of mental strength herself. But she had more than fears of her own perseverance ³⁵ to remove: she had begun to feel undecided as to what she _ought_ _to_ _do_; and as she walked round the room her doubts were increasing. Was she _right_ in refusing what was so warmly asked, so strongly wished for--what might be so essential to a scheme on which some of those to whom she owed the greatest complaisance ³⁶ had set their hearts? Was it not ill-nature, selfishness, and a fear of exposing herself? And would Edmund's judgment ³⁷, would his persuasion ³⁸ of Sir Thomas's disapprobation of the whole, be enough to justify ⁴⁰ her in a determined ⁴¹ denial in spite of all the rest? It would be so horrible to her to act that she was inclined to suspect the truth and purity of her own scruples ⁴²; and as she looked around her, the claims of her cousins to being obliged were strengthened by the sight of present upon present that she had received from them. The table between the windows was covered with work-boxes and netting-boxes which had been given her at different times, principally by Tom; and she grew bewildered as to the amount of the debt which all these kind remembrances produced. A tap at the door roused her in the midst of this attempt to find her way to her duty, and her gentle "Come in" was answered by the appearance of one, before whom all her doubts were wont ⁴³ to be laid. Her eyes brightened at the sight of Edmund.,"Can I speak with you, Fanny, for a few minutes?" said he.,"Yes, certainly.","I want to consult. I want your opinion.","Yes, your advice and opinion. I do not know what to do. This acting ⁴⁴ scheme gets worse and worse, you see. They have chosen almost as bad a play as they could, and now, to complete the business, are going to ask the help of a young man very slightly known to any of us. This is the end of all the privacy and propriety ⁴⁵ which was talked about at first. I know no harm of Charles Maddox; but the excessive intimacy ⁴⁶ which must spring from his being admitted among us in this manner is highly objectionable, the _more_ than intimacy--the familiarity. I cannot think of it with any patience; and it does appear to me an evil of such magnitude as must, _if_ _possible_, be prevented. Do not you see it in the same light?","Yes; but what can be done? Your brother is so determined.","There is but _one_ thing to be done, Fanny. I must take Anhalt myself. I am well aware that nothing else will quiet Tom.",Fanny could not answer him.,"It is not at all what I like," he continued. "No man can like being driven into the _appearance_ of such inconsistency. After being known to oppose the scheme from the beginning, there is absurdity ⁴⁷ in the face of my joining them _now_, when they are exceeding their first plan in every respect; but I can think of no other alternative. Can you, Fanny?",She was agitated because her train was an hour late.她乘坐的火车晚点一个小时，她十分焦虑。,She persevered with her violin lessons. 她孜孜不倦地学习小提琴 。