My Safe Child 我那安全的孩子

My Safe Child

By Daphna Baram, Israel文/Daphna Baram 译/邹红云

I am thirty-three years old, and I am so happy that I am not a mother. I do not hear a biological clock ticking, only the nerve wrecking¹ ticks of bombs yet to explode. My friends are leaping whenever their cell phones ring. "Where are you? No, you can’t go out. No, I don’t care if all the other children are going". How naïve children are when they tell lies. What mother in Israel now would believe that "all the children are going" anywhere?

And where are the children going? Where will their fears take them? In many places in the world children are afraid of the unknown, of the unreal. You know that you live in a war zone when you realize that the greatest fears of the children are of what they know only too well.

Two years ago, when my younger brother was ten, he came home from school, and as he opened the door he heard the familiar sound of explosion rising from the street he just left behind him. Sitting in front of the television five minutes later, he could see his friend wandering blindly in the street, which was covered with body parts and injured people. The friend’s father, who picked him up from school and took him for a pizza, was killed in front of his eyes. My brother refused to talk about it. "This kid wasn’t really a friend of mine," is all he would say, "I don’t really know him that well". That evening he told my father that he is afraid of Freddy Kruger, a monstrous² murderer from a common horror film. My father didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, but I suspect he felt some relief. How good it is to caress³ your child’s hair and to tell him that Kruger doesn’t really exist.

But the man who exploded himself in the centre of a busy street did exist. And the man who will explode himself in another one of our busy streets in a few years is now my brother’s age. His mother doesn’t have to worry about the dangers which lurk⁴ on the way to school. There are no schools anymore. We have demolished⁵ them all, when we crushed the infrastructure⁶ of the Palestinian Authority. His younger brother was killed when our soldiers exploded their home. Our soldiers exploded their home because his older brother was a "wanted person". Exploding his family’s home was our way to insure that he will soon turn from a wanted person into an unwanted body, torn to a thousand pieces, surrounded by his victims.

The young terrorist to be sleeps now in a tent provided by UNRWA. What is he afraid of? Not much to fear anymore. The worst already took place. But the bulldozers are still around, demolishing⁷ the neighbours’ homes. Every day a few new tents join the raw. His mother tells him how they were deported⁸ from their home in Latrun in 1967. His grandmother tells him it was nothing compared to what she had to go through when she was driven away from Jaffa in 1948, carrying his screaming mother, then a newborn, in her arms.

My grandmother doesn’t understand her plight⁹. It had never occurred to her to go back to her home in Poland, which she had to flee as a refugee, haunted by the rise of Nazism¹⁰ in Europe. The fact that the Palestinians still talk about Jaffa, she says, just proves that they want to exterminate¹¹ us. Whenever a suicide bombing strikes our cities, my grandmother calls me and tells me of her secret plan. "I am an old woman, and I have nothing to loose," she says in a conspiratorial¹² tone. "I will wear rags like their women, and go and explode myself in the centre of Nablus. This will teach them a lesson. I will show them what it’s like." I am trying to tell her that they already know what it is like, that the number of their dead is three times bigger than ours, that the fear and terror we spread in their lives is much bigger than ours. But my grandmother doesn’t hear me, because she is crying. "They are not human beings," she says. "What people can do such things, kill children like this?" De-humanised people, I want to answer, but I keep my mouth shut, and think about the child that I don’t want to have.

The child I won’t have will never feel the guilt¹³ of being an occupier, or the fear of becoming a victim. I will never tell him not to be scared, when fear is the only rational thing to feel. I will not have to teach him that the Palestinian child is a human being just like him, while everybody else will tell him that it is not so. The child I won’t have will keep sleeping, curled in a secret corner of my mind. The child I will never have is going to be the only safe child in the Middle East.

* A news editor and journalist, Daphna Baram was born in Jerusalem and served in the Israeli army as a teacher for two years.

我那安全的孩子By Daphna Baram (以色列)

我今年三十三岁，很高兴没有成为一名母亲 。我听不见生物钟的滴答作响 ，只听到即将爆炸的炸弹那令人神经崩溃的走秒声
。我的朋友们一听到自己的手机铃响就会惊跳起来。“你在哪里？不行
，你不能出去 。不行，我才不管是不是别的孩子都去呢
。
”孩子们撒谎时是多么的天真啊。如今在以色列会有什么母亲相信“所有孩子都去”哪个地方呢？

那么 ，孩子们要去哪儿呢？他们的恐惧会将他们带往哪儿呢？在世界上许多地方
，孩子们害怕的是那些未知的、不真实的东西 。而当你意识到孩子们最恐惧的恰恰是那些他们最为熟知的事物时，你知道你是生活在战区
。

两年前我的弟弟十岁 ，他放学回家，刚打开门
，就听见熟悉的爆炸声从他身后刚刚离开的街上响起。五分钟后坐在电视机前，他看到了他的朋友在满是伤者和残肢断臂的街上茫然地徘徊 。朋友的父亲刚把他从学校接出来还带他去吃了比萨饼 ，现在就眼睁睁地被杀死了。我弟弟拒绝谈论这件事
。“这个小孩并不真是我的朋友
， ”他老那么说，“我跟他真的不是很熟。
”那天晚上 ，他跟我父亲说他害怕弗莱迪•克鲁格
，这个人物是一部大家都熟悉的恐怖片里的杀人恶魔 。我父亲不知道是该笑还是该哭，但我猜想他感到了某种宽慰
。抚摸着孩子的头发告诉他克鲁格并非真的存在 ，这种感觉有多棒。

然而
，那个在繁忙的街道中央将自身引爆的人确实存在 。而那个几年后将要在我们另一条繁忙街道上引爆自己的人现在正是我弟弟的年纪
。他的母亲无需担心潜伏在上学路上的危险，因为根本就不再有学校 ，在我们破坏巴勒斯坦基础设施时已经将学校全部摧毁了。他的弟弟在我们的战士炸毁他们家时死去了 。我们的战士炸毁他们家是因为他的哥哥是个被通缉的要犯
。我们用炸毁他家屋子这个办法来确保他那位哥哥能很快从一个被通缉的要犯变为没人要的尸体
，被炸成了千百片，旁边都是因他而受害的人。

这个未来的小恐怖分子现在就睡在联合国难民救济及工程局提供的帐篷里 。他害怕什么呢？再也没多少令他害怕的了 ，最糟糕的事情已经发生
。然而，推土机仍然在周围拆除邻居家的屋子。每天都有几顶新的帐篷加入到这种未开化的生活中来 。他的母亲告诉他
，1967年他们是如何被驱逐出在拉特伦的家的。他的姥姥告诉他，1948年她被从雅法赶出来 ，怀抱着他那当时刚出生不久哇哇直哭的母亲
，现在的情况比起那时经历的一切算不了什么
。

我的祖母不了解自己所处的境况。她在兴起的纳粹主义肆虐欧洲时以难民的身份逃离了波兰，之后她从未想过要重返那里的家 。她说 ，巴勒斯坦人仍在谈论雅法只是说明了他们想消灭我们
。每当我们城市发生一起自杀性爆炸
，我祖母就会打电话跟我讲她的秘密计划。“我是个老太婆，没有什么放不下的 。”她以阴谋策划的语气说道 ，“我穿上他们女人那样的破衣服
，到纳布卢斯市中心去引爆自己，给他们个教训 ，让他们看看这象什么样子
。 ”我试图告诉她他们已经知道这象什么样子
，告诉她他们的死亡人数比我们多三倍，告诉她我们在他们生活中播撒的害怕和恐怖要比我们自己生活中的多得多。但祖母听不见我的话 ，因为她在哭 。“他们不是人，
”她说
，“什么人会做这样的事，象这样杀孩子？”没有人性的人 ，我想回答
，但我没有张嘴，心里想着我那不想生养的孩子
。

我不想生养的这个孩子将永远不会为自己成为占领者而感到有罪 ，也不会为自己可能成为受害者而感到害怕。我将永远不用告诉他不要怕
，尽管害怕是现在唯一合乎理性的感受 。我将不必教导他巴勒斯坦孩子也是象他一样的人，而其他所有人都会告诉他并非如此
。这个我不想生养的孩子将蜷缩在我的大脑内一个秘密角落里一直睡大觉。这个我不想生养的孩子将是中东地区唯一安全的孩子 。

1 wrecking
破坏
参考例句：
He teed off on his son for wrecking the car. 他严厉训斥他儿子毁坏了汽车。 来自《简明英汉词典》 Instead of wrecking the valley, the waters are put to use making electricity. 现在河水不但不在流域内肆疟 ，反而被人们用来生产电力 。 来自辞典例句

2 monstrous
adj.巨大的；恐怖的；可耻的 ，丢脸的
参考例句：
The smoke began to whirl and grew into a monstrous column.浓烟开始盘旋上升，形成了一个巨大的烟柱。 Your behaviour in class is monstrous!你在课堂上的行为真是丢人！

3 caress
vt./n.爱抚 ，抚摸
参考例句：
She gave the child a loving caress.她疼爱地抚摸着孩子 。 She feasted on the caress of the hot spring.她尽情享受着温泉的抚爱 。

4 lurk
n.潜伏 ，潜行；v.潜藏，潜伏 ，埋伏
参考例句：
Dangers lurk in the path of wilderness.在这条荒野的小路上隐伏着危险。 He thought he saw someone lurking above the chamber during the address.他觉得自己看见有人在演讲时潜藏在会议厅顶上 。

5 demolished
v.摧毁( demolish的过去式和过去分词 )；推翻；拆毁（尤指大建筑物）；吃光
参考例句：
The factory is due to be demolished next year. 这个工厂定于明年拆除 。 They have been fighting a rearguard action for two years to stop their house being demolished. 两年来，为了不让拆除他们的房子 ，他们一直在进行最后的努力。

6 infrastructure
n.下部构造，下部组织 ，基础结构 ，基础设施
参考例句：
We should step up the development of infrastructure for research.加强科学基础设施建设 。 We should strengthen cultural infrastructure and boost various types of popular culture.加强文化基础设施建设，发展各类群众文化 。

7 demolishing
v.摧毁( demolish的现在分词 )；推翻；拆毁（尤指大建筑物）；吃光
参考例句：
The machine was designed specially for demolishing old buildings. 这种机器是专为拆毁旧楼房而设计的。 来自《用法词典》 Conventional demolishing work would have caused considerable interruptions in traffic. 如果采用一般的拆除方法就要引起交通的严重中断 。 来自辞典例句

8 deported
v.将…驱逐出境( deport的过去式和过去分词 )；举止
参考例句：
They stripped me of my citizenship and deported me. 他们剥夺我的公民资格 ，将我驱逐出境 。 来自《简明英汉词典》 The convicts were deported to a deserted island. 罪犯们被流放到一个荒岛。 来自《简明英汉词典》

9 plight
n.困境 ，境况，誓约 ，艰难；vt.宣誓 ，保证，约定
参考例句：
The leader was much concerned over the plight of the refugees.那位领袖对难民的困境很担忧 。 She was in a most helpless plight.她真不知如何是好。

10 Nazism
n. 纳粹主义
参考例句：
His philosophical eyes were obviously shortsighted by the evil influence of Nazism. 显然 ，他那双哲学家般的深邃的眼睛也被纳粹的妖氛所眩惑 。 来自中国文学部分 Nazism suppressed all three movements as degenerate. 纳粹把所有三个运动都作为颓废艺术而加以镇压。

11 exterminate
v.扑灭 ，消灭，根绝
参考例句：
Some people exterminate garden insects by spraying poison on the plants.有些人在植物上喷撒毒剂以杀死花园内的昆虫 。 Woodpeckers can exterminate insect pests hiding in trees.啄木鸟能消灭躲在树里的害虫 。

12 conspiratorial
adj.阴谋的 ，阴谋者的
参考例句：
She handed the note to me with a conspiratorial air. 她鬼鬼祟祟地把字条交给了我。 来自辞典例句 It was enough to win a gap-toothed, conspiratorial grin. 这赢得对方咧嘴一笑 。 来自互联网

13 guilt
n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责
参考例句：
She tried to cover up her guilt by lying.她企图用谎言掩饰自己的罪行 。 Don't lay a guilt trip on your child about schoolwork.别因为功课责备孩子而使他觉得很内疚。