An Old-Fashioned Girl - Chapter 17

I THINK Tom had the hardest time of all, for besides the family troubles, he had many of his own to perplex and harass ¹ him. College scrapes were soon forgotten in greater afflictions; but there were plenty of tongues to blame "that extravagant ² dog," and plenty of heads to wag ominously ³ over prophecies of the good time Tom Shaw would now make on the road to ruin. As reporters flourish in this country, of course Tom soon heard all the friendly criticisms passed upon him and his career, and he suffered more than anybody guessed; for the truth that was at the bottom of the gossip filled him with the sharp regret and impotent wrath ⁴ against himself as well as others, which drives many a proud fellow, so placed, to destruction, or the effort that redeems ⁶ boyish folly ⁷, and makes a man of him., ,Now that he had lost his heritage, Tom seemed to see for the first time how goodly it had been, how rich in power, pleasure, and gracious opportunities. He felt its worth even while he acknowledged, with the sense of justice that is strong in manly ⁸ men, how little he deserved a gift which he had so misused ⁹. He brooded over this a good deal, for, like the bat in the fable ¹⁰, he did n't seem to find any place in the new life which had begun for all. Knowing nothing of business, he was not of much use to his father, though he tried to be, and generally ended by feeling that he was a hindrance ¹¹, not a help. Domestic affairs were equally out of his line, and the girls, more frank than their father, did not hesitate to tell him he was in the way when he offered to lend a hand anywhere. After the first excitement was over, and he had time to think, heart and energy seemed to die out, remorse ¹² got hold of him, and, as generous, thoughtless natures are apt to do when suddenly confronted with conscience, he exaggerated his faults and follies ¹⁴ into sins of the deepest dye, and fancied he was regarded by others as a villain ¹⁵ and an outcast. Pride and penitence ¹⁶ made him shrink out of sight as much as possible, for he could not bear pity, even when silently expressed by a friendly hand or a kindly ¹⁷ eye. He stayed at home a good deal, and loafed about with a melancholy ¹⁸ and neglected air, vanished when anyone came, talked very little, and was either pathetically humble ¹⁹ or tragically ²⁰ cross. He wanted to do something, but nothing seemed to appear; and while he waited to get his poise ²¹ after the downfall, he was so very miserable ²² that I'm afraid, if it had not been for one thing, my poor Tom would have got desperate, and been a failure. But when he seemed most useless, outcast, and forlorn, he discovered that one person needed him, one person never found him in the way, one person always welcomed and clung to him with the strongest affection of a very feeble nature. This dependence ²³ of his mother's was Tom's salvation ²⁴ at that crisis of his life; and the gossips, who said softly to one another over their muffins and tea. "It really would be a relief to that whole family if poor, dear Mrs. Shaw could be ahem! mercifully removed," did not know that the invalid's weak, idle hands were unconsciously keeping the son safe in that quiet room, where she gave him all that she had to give, mother-love, till he took heart again, and faced the world ready to fight his battles manfully., ,"Dear, dear! how old and bent ²⁵ poor father does look. I hope he won't forget to order my sweetbread," sighed Mrs. Shaw one day, as she watched her husband slowly going down the street., , ,"I'll see to your sweetbread, mum. Good-by, back to dinner," and with a hasty kiss, Tom was off., ,He did n't know exactly what he meant to do, but it had suddenly come over him, that he was hiding from the storm, and letting his father meet it alone; for the old man went to his office every day with the regularity ³¹ of a machine, that would go its usual round until it stopped, while the young man stayed at home with the women, and let his mother comfort him., ,They received the order to harass the enemy's rear.他们接到骚扰敌人后方的命令 。,They tried to please him with fulsome compliments and extravagant gifts.他们想用溢美之词和奢华的礼品来取悦他
。